I need some support. I know I said I was leaving this place, but it's the Gemini in me who can't make up her mind.Â
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I recently got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. This is a disorder where your moods are disregulated, and you experience wide swings from mania to major depression. During my last episode, I was having a great day...and then when driving home from work I crashed out of nowhere. I was suicidal and depressed. I was crying for no reason. I was down for five days and couldn't pull myself out of it. Along with it has come panic attacks, for which I have been in the ER twice since December. They come out of nowhere. My moods would spike and drop so quickly, and I would have such a hard time just maintaining. I was so grumpy at work. I was also unable to focus, and had a hard time staying on top of everything. I was forgetting things...which is SO not me at work.
This diagnosis came out of the blue, and was definitely not something I was expecting. It has been devestating. Thank heavens I am medicated now, and am beginning to even out emotionally. I just have no idea where to begin to look for answers. It's crazy; I am in social work and this is what I do! I am also in graudate school, studying to become a counselor. But for some reason, when it's personal, all of that goes out the window. My therapist and nurse think I just have it to mild degree. To me it might as well be full blown. It's a whole new world, and it is very scary.
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I just hope I can find a way to stabilize and find a balance in my life. I can't keep up with the crazy mood swings. My friends and family are also being put through the ringer, too. It's getting to the point where I don't want to tell them when I am about to crash, or in the middle of a "melt down" or panic attack because they worry too much. They just don't know what to do with me. I don't know that I blame them. I found an online support group, which has helped. I just keep hoping to find more answers. I am so busy with work and school right now, that I just don't have the time to research this out.
I just need prayers. Lots of prayers.
